


right now, right then

by dreamgorl



Category: South Park
Genre: there isn't much to tag this with currently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:33:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5207708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamgorl/pseuds/dreamgorl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it left him wondering how it all led up to this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. define finality

Craig and I were just two people who had just happened to 'find' each other at the wrong time.

We met when we were younger, an anxiety-ridden child with a love for theater and coffee, and a stoic, seemingly emotionless boy who liked space and video games.

It was really funny, actually, because you'd think that that would be the perfect time to meet someone who would change your life. _'Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak were childhood best friends and now they'll live happily ever after and never doubt themselves or their relationship!'_

Craig Tucker is lying to himself and Tweek Tweak just wants to kiss him.

It was depressing. A depressing story for depressed teenagers.

I walked over to Craig's house one day, hoping to just hang out because my day had been horrible (as most were) and Craig always made me feel better. Just being near him calmed me down. As I neared his house I saw him standing outside -- the blue boy, lanky and with a stony expression.

I wondered why he was outside, because he never normally was, and he called out to me. "Tweek." I quickened my pace and noticed all the boxes lying around. Labeled boxes, but I couldn't make out what was written. His parent's car wasn't there. "Tweek," He said again, gently putting his hand on my shoulder. I instinctively shook it off.

"What?" I asked, finally looking down at him. "What's up with all the boxes, dude?" Craig looked down and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Um," He looked up towards the sky, shuffling on his feet for a second.

"I'm moving."

His expression never faltered, not a flicker of emotion.

Why wasn't there any emotion.

The strange finality of it struck me, and I realized with a sudden jolt I had been standing there staring at him without uttering a single word. I realized I had to go. So without a farewell, I turned on my heel walked. I didn't pay attention to where I was going, I just let my feet carry me to wherever the universe decided I needed to go. The sound of my footsteps were drowned out by the noises all around me, highways and trees whipping with the wind and insects and animals.

I felt an odd, melancholy connection to everything around me. Once I had walked a considerable distance between me and what would soon become my past, I sat on the grass in someone's yard and cried.

It wasn't loud, bellowing sobs. Silent tears trickled down my cheeks, but the silent tears contained all the words I wish I had had the courage to say. Like 'please don't go', 'stay', 'I'm sorry'.

'I love you.'

But I didn't, and I won't ever.


	2. the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're going back

_The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here._

Craig and I were sitting on the floor in his room, playing with his little astronaut figurines and spaceships. I jumped up and went to put one on his solar system mobile. "No!"

I jumped and turned around, little spaceman in hand. "What?" I asked, looking at the smudged details on his face, worn helmet and suit. "You can't put him up there." Craig said curtly. I looked back to Craig. "Why, doesn't he belong up there?"

Craig shook his head. "Not without his spaceship. And you might break it." And with that, he looked back to his spaceship and little astronauts. I nodded my head slowly and sat back across from him, listening to him make the noises that I guessed spaceships made. "You're really good at that, Craig."

He continued making the noises and I didn't care that he didn't reply to me.

I wonder what it was back then, that allowed me to know that just because Craig didn't reply didn't mean he didn't care. I knew he appreciated it. And whenever we played those games, and whenever he made those noises, he always looked at me for _just_ a moment to see if I still thought that he was good at it.

I always did.

"Do they have names?" I asked, one summer afternoon in his backyard, staring at the many little spacemen. He shook his head and scooped a few up into his hand.

"No, but you can name one if you want." I was so excited that he was letting me name one of them, because he loved them, so it meant a lot.

"Really?" I asked, and Craig picked one up between his index and middle finger and plopped it gently into my palm. "Yeah, this one." I stared at it. "Why this one?" I wondered aloud, because it didn't look any different from the others. "It's my favorite." He flipped it around in my palm and on the back it had a small 'c' written in blue pen. "Craig." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah?" I shook my head quickly. "No, that's the name." He opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking at me with an unreadable expression.

"Thanks, Tweek."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like reading comments!!!! sorry that this chapter is short. also, most of this fic is about the past.


	3. the things we thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past...

"Yeah, she's really cool," Craig rolled onto his back on the floor of his bedroom, tossing his hat across the room and ruffling his hair. "She smells like peaches."

I spun around on Craig's desk chair, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. "Bebe _is_ really great," I stopped spinning and stared at the glow-in-the dark stars on the ceiling, watching one slowly peel off and plop to the floor. "Those things are so dangerous. You could stab your foot with it, dude."

Craig scoffed and grabbed the star, holding it in front of his face and rolling it around between his fingers. "Nah. Not sharp enough." He said, followed directly with "Ow fuck!"

I smiled and grabbed the star from Craig's hand. "Yeah," I set it gently on Craig's desk and dropped myself to the ground. "I'm bored."

Craig sighed and pressed his palms against the floor, sitting up. "Bebe, though. I mean she was like, _yeah Craig I totally like you too!_ " He smirked and waved his fingers around. "And I was like, cool."

"You're just so very good with words." I said, grinning. Craig stuck his tongue out at me.

Really in these moments, I was hurting. I wasn't really sure _why_ , I really liked Bebe and if Craig was going to date anyone, I was glad it was her. But something felt wrong whenever he talked about her. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, swirling around and picking up speed quickly.

"I gotta go." I said, standing up. The thing in my stomach was turning faster and faster as I looked at Craig. "Sorry. Dinner was supposed to be early or something." Craig rubbed his eyes and looked at the small spaceship alarm clock he had in his room. "Yeah, okay." I stared at him for another moment and then left, wondering why it hurt so bad to just look at him. Why it wasn't the same as it always had been -- Craig bringing the calm with him.

Now it was just chaos bubbling inside me.

While on the way to my house, fifteen minutes later with my bag slinged across my shoulder, I suddenly felt the need to go to the pond. I ran quickly and slid on the gravel when I got there, and noticed a familiar person in the distance. "Kenny!" I said, waving my hands around. Kenny seemed to be deep in thought, but he looked up and beckoned me towards him.

"'Sup, dude?" Kenny said, pushing his hoodie off his head and staring at something behind me.

"Uh, I don't really know. I was with Craig and then I felt like.. I don't know."

Kenny sighed and sat down on the grass, picking a dandelion and twirling it between his fingers. "I heard about him and Bebe." I sat next to him and stared at his solemn expression. "Yeah, he wouldn't stop talking about her.." I said, running my fingers along my jeans. Kenny looked up at the sky, sighing again.

"I don't like it."

I stopped looking at my hands and looked at Kenny instead. "What?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Bebe and Craig."

"Why?" I said slowly, twisting my fingers around eachother nervously. Did Kenny get the same feeling I did? Kenny leaned into me and sighed. "I like Bebe," He started, "but she likes Craig, and I'm not really the best person for her anyway." I stared at Kenny in shock, wondering how someone who was so selfless and kind could think like that. And then I had another shocking thought, one I had never thought before --

"I think I might _like_ Craig." I said, doubt lacing my voice. Kenny looked at me and chuckled a little bit, throwing his arm around me. He didn't say anything for a minute, just stared at the pond and pulled me a little bit closer. "What do you feel like when you're with him?" I stared at the ground and thought about Craig for a minute. I felt warm near him. And like nothing could ever stop us, as long as we were together.

"Calm."

Kenny slowly released me and stared at me again. "What about when you think of him with Bebe?" The tone of his voice seemed normal, but his eyes seemed to contain so many things that he felt but wouldn't ever say out loud. It was too much for us at such a young age. "Like there's a goddamn tornado in my stomach." I said and sadly chuckled, still staring into Kenny's eyes. "Me too." He said quietly.

And then I knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave reviews bc I wanna know what kinda stuff I should try improving and also if anyone even likes this!! thank you. :)


	4. vainglory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past..still

"I don't get it either." I said, laying on my stomach on Craig's bedroom floor. I ran my fingernails against my arm and watched Craig, who was sitting on his own bed with a blanket draped over him like a king. "I mean, it isn't that big of a deal though." As I said this, Craig looked towards me with a blank expression.

"How do you know it's not a big deal?" He said calmly, staring right into my eyes. "You're not the one who got broken up with." He continued to stare at me. I thought about it for a minute, looking above Craig at a framed photo of him somewhere as a child, instead of at him. "Well, I don't," I started, "But we're just teenagers!" I looked back at him and his brows were furrowed, but he didn't say anything so I decided to continue. "It wasn't like you and Bebe were gonna get _married_ or anything." I sat up and gently folded my hands in my lap, decidedly staring at them instead of making eye contact with Craig. " _Okay_ , but that doesn't make it not a big deal. I don't know why she broke up with me."

  
I chewed on my cheek and wondered what reasons she possibly could have had to break up with him. "Maybe she just got bored of you." I said, and then realized it could be construed as rude so I followed it with " _Or_ , she realized what I just said and knew it wasn't going anywhere." 

" _Ouch_." Craig said, looking up towards the ceiling. "I just really liked her."

I cringed and tried to ignore the stabby-feeling in my chest, the one I'd grown accustomed to.

_Craig doesn't like you. You need to get over it, Tweek._

"Yeah. I'm sorry dude." I said, and then felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Slipping it out revealed I had gotten a text from Kenny. 

_ not having a good night. can we hangout? _

I frowned and quickly texted back a ' _yeah_ ', and then noticed Craig staring at me. "What?" I asked, slipping my phone back into my pocket. Craig shrugged and looked towards the window instead, pulling his blanket tighter over him. I stood up and stared out the window for a second too wondering what Craig was thinking, before I decided I had to hurry up if I wanted to meet Kenny when he got to the pond. "Craig, I gotta go." 

He turned towards me with a stony expression. "Kenny, huh?" My eyes widened and I watched him for a second. His expression never faltered. I felt weird, like I was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to. "Yeah.." I said quietly.

He softly rolled his eyes. "Yeah, cool. You can leave me again." He mumbled the last part under his breath, but I still heard it. He still looked like he didn't care so I didn't know what to do. I twisted my fingers together quickly, pulling and wringing. "What do you mean?" I said even quieter than before, and for some reason now I felt like crying. 

My vision blurred a bit but I blinked quickly and waited for Craig to speak. "I just got broken up with but yeah, go hang out with your best friend." He said, tone cold. He pushed his blanket off and stood up. "Craig?" I backed away from him a little bit, and I felt the stabbing feeling in my chest but now I couldn't breath, too.

Did he really think that Kenny was my best friend, and not him? Craig glared at me now, and nodded towards the door. "Can you please leave." 

This time, I felt a tear stream down my cheek. Craig almost never got mad with me, and when he did, we _always_ talked it out. They were never serious fights. 

"Can we _please_ talk?" I asked, quiet and desperate. I hated the idea that if I left, anything could happen and then the last thing Craig would remember of me was that I was a horrible friend.

"Go." 

... 

Fifteen minutes later had me at the pond, sitting next to Kenny on a ratty old picnic blanket he brought. The ground was damp and the air was chilled, but we were sitting so close together that our warmth made it bearable. He was staring at the water and I was twiddling my fingers together, still thinking about Craig.

"He's jealous of me." Kenny had said, matter-of-factly.  My eyes had widened and I knew that was impossible, because Craig was never jealous. Never ever. 

I had thrown my phone to the furthest end of the picnic blanket, wanting to forget about it for just a little while. Not long. Soon we would be okay again. 

"I don't think you should worry, he's just kinda a dick sometimes." Kenny said softly, gently patting my shoulder. I looked at him. "Yeah, he is." I watched his eyes as they trailed down my face, towards my mouth, and then I had the breathless feeling again - but not in a bad way. He looked back to my eyes and had a curious look, wondering if he could. I nodded slowly because I didn't know if I could speak, if it would ruin the moment. 

He leaned in so, _so_ slow. I felt like my life was a movie, and this was the turning point where I realized I had feelings for someone I had never imagined having them for. When our lips met, I knew that wasn't what it was. Kenny smiled against my mouth and we started laughing together, thinking about how ridiculous the whole situation was. Neither of us noticed my phone quietly chiming in the background with apologies from Craig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw strange fights and insecurity about ur friendships.:'( and also tfw being a teenager, in general, and the things that seem very serious and important when in reality they aren't. once again, sorry for any mistakes. i can only proofread it so many times before everything starts to just seem like gibberish.. I honestly don't like this chapter that much but I don't feel like writing it again


	5. hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past

I pulled my legs towards my chest and wrapped my arms around them, holding tightly. Craig sat across from me, covered in blankets and pillows. The only light in the room was a small round lamp glowing on his desk on the other side of the room, barely illuminating anything. I looked around and then back at Craig nervously rubbing his arms. It was odd seeing Craig nervous, just because he was always such a stone person. You saw him and you would think that he doesn't feel anything.

He does.

I stared at his dark blue eyes for a minute and wondered what he was thinking, what he was searching for in the walls of his bedroom. I wanted to know more than anything. Craig broke the silence.

"The house is so _empty._ " He said quietly, and he seemed to be slowly closing in on himself. Like he was a small animal who was just terribly frightened by the world. I could relate.

I made an affirmative noise and rubbed my hands together. "It really is. They took Ruby too?" His parents had gone to some..thing, I wasn't sure, but they let Craig stay home as long as I was there. Apparently I'm trustworthy according to them. I didn't mind.

Craig nodded and rubbed his eyes. "Dad's been weird again." He said softly, almost as if he wasn't even speaking to me, but to himself. His eyes drifted down towards the blankets on the bed and I wanted to hug him. I remember the feeling so clearly. Like I could leap forward and wrap my arms around him and everything would be okay.

I slowly reached for his hand across the bed and we just stayed like that for a while. I don't know how long. Holding hands in the silence, just needing each other in the moment. That was all that was important.

"I was looking for something the other day -- I forget what, I don't know -- and I walked into their room and Dad was just sitting on his bed _staring at the wall_. Not even the ceiling. I asked if he was okay and he didn't say anything." Craig was talking slowly and quietly, his voice a whisper circling around us. "I went to leave the room and he asked what I was doing. I said nothing. He told me that I shouldn't lie, that I was _disappointing him_."  
Craig's voice was shaking but his face didn't say anything. He had tightened his grip on my hand so much that I felt like it could break any second, but it wasn't important. This broken boy in front of me was what was important and I knew, even then, that I would have done anything to fix him.

  
_Anything._

  
I think, how you know when you're really in love, is when at some point it _just doesn't matter_. You could live your whole life without telling them how you feel so long as they're happy.

The light across the room had been slowly dimming and with a sudden _POP_ , it burst. The darkness consumed us and we stared at each other from across the bed.  
His eyes were cold and guarded, and I wondered if that would ever change.

I felt his fingers shift around mine and I didn't say a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this probably had a lot of typos and stuff. i'm sorry i just was feeling really emotional and i had to write this chapter bc i realized that i was actually really relating to it in the moment. yeah idk


	6. if i asked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past

I was staring at the darkening sky as Craig was talking, listening closely but yet the words were all getting jumbled. "And Token said, "Well if you're going to do that you might as well just shut up." And everybody just _lost_ it." Craig said, smirking. He was talking about some party that we'd gone to a few days ago, one I had left early apparently because I didn't remember any of this.

I wrung my hands together and tried to ignore that feeling in my stomach, where it felt tight and buzzing. I was so used to it by now -- and I still hated it. It made me feel lonely and disconnected from the world around me. "Clyde said that he kissed Bebe, too. And Kenny said he'd kissed somebody but wouldn't say who, but that wasn't a big shock." Craig said, and my head shot up quickly wondering if that 'somebody' was me, or if he had recently kissed someone else.

Craig seemed to notice and his eyebrows furrowed. "What?" He asked, staring right at me. My stomach felt like it was vibrating now. God I hated that. " _Nothing_!" I said, lowering my head again. "I just think it's _weird_ that Clyde kissed Bebe." I said quietly, gauging Craig's reaction. He didn't seem bothered.

"I don't know. I don't think so." He said, finally looking away from me and at the water in front of us instead. It was one of those summer day's where it's warm-ish in the day, but at night you feel like you're going to freeze. It was starting to get chilly.

I nodded and rubbed my eyes, wishing that something magical could happen and I wouldn't have the buzzing feeling anymore. That Kenny wouldn't talk about kissing people, that Craig would stop talking about Bebe and that I didn't feel like this anymore. That I didn't feel so, so wrong.

Craig started talking again but I couldn't focus. My eyes were locked on the few freckles splattered against his face. I had so many, and he only had a few. It was interesting seeing them actually, because you usually couldn't. They were right along the bridge of his nose and some on his cheeks. And then his eyes, that were so dark blue they almost seemed black. I know this is a cliche -- but I felt like I could drown in them. It was the damndest thing.

And I looked at his mouth, and I felt so drawn to him. I could lean in and kiss him, close the distance, but then what? I constantly thought about this. In some daydreams, Craig kisses me back and confesses he's loved me for the longest time. And in others, he tells me I disgust him and we never speak again.

So I never close the distance.

But I feel surreal in this moment -- this boy right next to me, he _exists_. We're both alive, right now. Sitting together, talking about things that both matter and don't in the grand scheme of things.

And now, I'm thinking about how many moments I'll have in my life like this. That feel so perfect and so wrong at the same time. Where I'm both pained and entranced.

And I wonder how it's possible to be this close to someone, but feel so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg...the end is close. i don't know if this has confused anybody but I have been putting 'the past' bc we've been in the past. and not really the past in order, just random moments they've experienced.


	7. glossy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past

"I actually love your hair." Bebe said, smiling wide and twirling my blonde hair around her finger. It may have seemed like flirting if it had been coming from anyone but Bebe, but we were just really close friends. At first, when I had started talking to Bebe (more than just small talk), it was weird. Like -- my best friend had been dating her, wasn't that somehow betraying him? But Craig didn't seem to care, and Bebe was just so kind.

Just a few hours ago I had gotten a text from Bebe inviting me over to her house for a 'sleepover', and honestly the idea sounded wonderful. For whatever reason my house had felt like a cage all day, I felt like I was being _swallowed_ by it, and being there was giving me massive amounts of anxiety, so an excuse to leave was great. When I left, bag slung across my shoulder, my mom smiled at me knowingly.

"Thanks, Bebe." I said, tilting my head a little when her finger had curled too tightly in my hair. Honestly, it kind of hurt to have someone else twirl your hair around their finger. I ignored the pain and instead decided to take in the details of Bebe's room while I was there. I'd been here before but it was late and only because I was trying to escape a party, so I didn't get to appreciate it. Her walls were a light green, a very tasteful light green actually. The trim was white and there was posters and photographs and all kinds of things taped around the wall but in a very organized manner. All her furniture seemed to be either white or red, or a mix of the two. It was nice because it didn't seem like she was trying to be older or more 'sophisticated' than she was, it was homey and gave off a calming vibe. Which _really_ was Bebe.

Bebe broke me out of my thoughts by grabbing a basket off her dresser, which was conveniently right by her bed where we were sitting. It was filled with little colorful bottles. "Tweek, can I paint your nails?"

I thought about it for a second and shrugged. "Sure." I said, thinking about how the feeling of nail polish always bothered me because it made me feel like my fingernails were suffocating or something, but I'd put up with it.

Plus she had nice colors.

We quickly jumped off the bed and sat across from eachother on the floor, legs crossed and hunched over the small basket filled with nail polishes. "Okay, so, what color?" She asked, staring into the basket. I thought about it for a minute and finally picked up a very, very dark blue. "Oh, pretty! I've never used that one actually."

I hmmed and spun the small bottle around in my hands. It almost looked sparkly but not quite, it was very entrancing. I realized it kind of made me think of Craig's eyes. I shook that thought away.

As she opened the bottle and I flattened my hands down on the wooden floor, I wondered if she'd tell me about her relationship with Craig. I guess I couldn't keep him out of my thoughts for long. "Hey, Bebe?" I asked, my leg bouncing slightly. "Yeah?" She replied, running the nail polish brush against the bottle's opening, to get rid of the excess polish I guessed. I thought about how to word it for a minute as she painted my index and middle finger on one hand. "What was it like dating Craig?"

She looked up at me for a second with a curious look and sucked her cheeks in. " _Weird_. I mean, he's great, but it was weird." I raised my eyebrows and she continued, "I don't know. I _liked_ him and all but I realized that dating right now just means nothing?" I nodded because it made sense, and seemed to be what I had told Craig, but then she continued - "We never did anything super fun. And we didn't even kiss once. I figure if I'm going to date somebody, we can at least _kiss_ right? But we didn't." I watched her intently as she did more of my fingers the dark color, and I was thinking about how this probably means Craig hasn't ever kissed someone.

I felt kind of selfish wishing I could be his first kiss. "I get that." I said, realizing I hadn't really contributed anything to the conversation. Bebe nodded and then finished my last finger. She raised her head and met my eyes, smiling.

"Done!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh yes. I like the idea of Bebe and Tweek being friends. and once again, sorry for any typos


	8. credence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now.

I sat in some stranger's yard, my breathing had slowed down some since I'd walked away from Craig and the tears mostly dried. My eyes still felt wet so I rubbed them every few seconds and hoped that no one would come out of the house and yell at me.

" _What the hell am I doing?_ " I thought to myself, watching my hands pick at the frayed thread in my jeans. " _I need to go back, I need to tell him._ " And I wasn't sure how, or why, but in that moment it made complete sense to me.

To go back and tell Craig Tucker that I loved him.

And hope he doesn't hate me.

I stood up slowly and heard the bones in my legs creaking. Fucking _creaking_. I'm _young_.

I brushed it off and looked at the house and thought about how I could just go up to the door and knock. See if anybody's home. If nobody was I could climb through a window and take a packet of tea or something. I don't know why it occurred to me that I could do that, because I know I never would, but for some reason the thought was very calming in the moment. Like I could do _anything_ and nobody would care.

I decided against breaking into someone's house though, _who knows why_ , and started the walk back to Craig's house. I was kind of lost because I wasn't sure where I had been headed to when I was basically running as far as I possibly could away from him, but I saw small things that reminded me of where I was headed. Little things that reminded me of being young.

That bush that looks like a creepy hand.

That single patch of dead grass that looks vaguely like a heart.

The very dead tree.

The very, very alive tree.

A small toy truck chilling under a bench. (It made me kind of sad knowing no one came back for it.)

A small spaceman sitting between some branches -- wait, what? I ran up to it and grabbed the tiny thing and suddenly memories came flooding back to me. Craig's spacemen had totally done some exploration here. I wondered who this one was, and why it seemed so absolutely important to me that I not let go of him ever. I flipped him over and saw a little 'c' on its back.

I wondered why that one felt so familiar and then decided I had to keep walking. And then I remembered what I was planning on doing.

Oh _god_. What am I doing.

But as soon as I realized, I saw Craig sitting on his porch steps. His head was in his hands and he looked so _small_. It was strange to me, how whenever he was sad he always looked tiny. He wasn't small. He was practically a giant. And yet, I wanted to scoop him up and carry him away with me, back to the yard and back to where it felt like anything was possible. But I wasn't sure if he'd want me anywhere near him after I tell him.

"Craig?" I said, slowly stepping towards him. "Craig, _shit_ , sorry man." I wanted to punch myself in the face, because who runs away from someone after they tell you something like that but then comes back and says "Shit, sorry man." Jesus Christ.

"Oh. It's okay." He said, lifting his head up and meeting my eyes. He has such intense dark circles. It made a weird contrast for how fucking blue his eyes are. "Where'd you go?" He asked, and I remembered that I was standing in front of him, and then I remembered that we're actual real physical beings and holy shit, that's so trippy. And then I realized that I needed to reply to him. "Oh, just.. _wow_. I don't know. I can't believe that you're like.. _leaving_." I said, feeling myself start to shake. 

I felt weird looking at him and knowing that I wouldn't see him this close for..I didn't want to think about it. He didn't say anything to me, just studied me for a minute.

His eyes were so intense.

So _intense_.

"You have something to say." He said, and I kind of wanted to punch _him_ in the face. I wasn't sure why. It just felt so stupid that he had to be the one to tell me to say something.

"Yeah, I do." And I mulled over it in my head, trying to get the words to sound right. How do you tell your best friend that you've loved them for so long? Watched them be so close to you already but you wanted more? It felt selfish.

I decided to go with the simple route.

"I love you." He inhaled sharply and I watched his expression change from neutral, to almost disgust. "What?" He asked, and I swear to god he almost looked like he was leaning back away from me.

"I said I love you." I didn't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't him jumping up and stepping almost directly into my face. "Why."

"What?" I asked, slightly terrified. I took a step backwards and stumbled a little bit because I was really close to the edge of the sidewalk.

"Why would you say that."

"Because it's true." My voice was quieter. He looked completely disgusted. Like just being in front of me was tarnishing him somehow.

"No. It's not. Stop that." And then his expression crumbled, and he looked like he might start crying any second. I want to pick up all of the pieces of him and make him okay again. "No. No no no," And he kept repeating it, and he practically fell into my arms. "Nononono." I felt the tears dampen my sweatshirt, my shoulder suddenly becoming some sort of a cradle for Craig's head. "I _can't._ " He said, and I could barely hear his voice muffled. " _I can't_ _disappoint everyone._ " 

"Craig. _Craig_. You're _not._ " In the moment, I felt like all that existed was us. The world around us was gone, yet the wind was still whipping wildly and tousling Craig's dark hair. Mine kept hitting my face.

He wasn't speaking anymore, just sobbing loudly into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and held just so I had some assurance that he wouldn't be stolen from me. He wouldn't blow away with the wind. He was so small and unsure again. I wanted to pick up all the piece's of Craig. I wanted to find them all, scattered throughout the painful moments of his life, near his dad who always seemed so sad, his mother who wanted everyone to be picture perfect, and all the people who had hurt him somehow. All the things he had to handle by himself until this moment. I wanted to put them all back together. I wanted to fix him.

How sad it is to want to fix someone more than you want to fix yourself. And knowing you can't. Craig looked up towards me with a sorrowful expression, his eyes red rimmed and glossy and streaks of wetness down his face. I rubbed it away gently with my thumb. " _I'm sorry_." I whispered but I knew somehow that it wouldn't be enough.

Neither of us could say sorry and ever have it be enough. " _No_." And just as soon as he said it, he moved towards my face and kissed me.

And I knew we'd find a way to be okay.

To fix ourselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!!! first things first -- i'm sorry that it took so long for me to actually freaking post this, i was kind of avoiding it because it didn't seem good enough but this is my first finished (!!!!) fic so...i'll improve. it's meant to be slightly ambiguous, that was the whole thing when i started writing it. i wanted to make something that wasn't every single little detail but enough for you to understand the characters. so yeah, i hope you liked it and i'd love to have some reviews! i really would like to know what you guys think i should try improving on, or what you liked about it. i'm definitely gonna try writing some more creek stuff soon. thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 1 AM and there's gonna be more so. I mean if it has a positive reaction anyway. please tell me what you think!! and sorry about any typos or anything like that, as i said, i wrote it at a late time. also my first fic so


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